Having first time sex? I don’t blame you. It can be scary and nerve wracking. It’s not like having a baby, you’re not trying to make anyone into a mother, there is no need to call it love but just an adventure. But having first time sex can be very exciting, and some of us get a little carried away.
So what do we do? After the excitement of first time sex, comes the uncomfortable part. What did I do wrong? If you had known that, or if you had any idea how to avoid doing this, you wouldn’t be reading this right now.
Most of us, when we have first time sex, we become so excited and emotional attached to our sexual partner that we forget about all our cares. We start thinking only of sex. This is the worst thing to do because sex is supposed to be for a lifetime. But once we are overcome with passion and the strong feelings of bonding, then we lose that connection we had with our partner and that bond gives way to jealousy.
Jealousy causes us to feel unworthy. It makes us feel like we don’t deserve to have our partner and we feel inadequate. So if you were me, what would you have done? If you found somebody that you could share sex with, would you think less of them? Or would you find somebody else to have sex with because you felt that you weren’t as good as them?
This goes on. We find someone who is attractive, we talk to them on the phone or online. Then we spend hours trying to impress them with our skills. We may even try out for a sports team or a club or volunteer for a charity. But none of this ever really results in sex for the first time.
The problem was because we didn’t find somebody special, we felt we weren’t good enough. We made excuses that sex just wasn’t worth it and that we were just not ready. And that’s when I said ‘I wish I had known that’. That’s when I learned that I was able to learn how to get better and sex was no longer a chore. I learned to love it.
My Second revelation had nothing to do with getting better at sex. I just realized that there are many things that make sex more fun. Communication, intimacy and sharing. Having an open mind. Once you find out how to share your deepest thoughts, feelings and desires and then communicate them, you will find that sex would become far more fulfilling. Communication and intimacy are what first time sex would get emotional attached too.
My Third revelation was that I didn’t want to be with somebody just for the physical part. I wanted to spend more time being with my partner emotionally. I wanted to build a deep emotional bond with my partner before I got sexually aroused. That’s when I finally found a great sexual partner. It was really great learning experience.
My Fourth realization was that I was actually turning away from having sex. I would do anything not to have it anymore. If it meant I didn’t have sex I would do so. When I first made the discovery that I didn’t have to wait for orgasm to reach climax to achieve satisfaction, I started to turn away from sex and think of it as a waste of time.
My Fifth revelation was that I wanted to save myself by not having sex any longer. After making the five changes in my thinking I felt much better about myself. My sexual partner got much more pleasure out of our relationship. She couldn’t even understand why I didn’t want to have sex.
What I discovered during my research was that I didn’t have to wait for orgasm to reach the sexual satisfaction. I gained control over myself. I had to use my imagination. By visualizing myself having sex with my new boyfriend made me realize that I could be happy and satisfied with the other person. I started to see that I wouldn’t have to wait for orgasm to get what I wanted. I would get what I wanted from my first experience with another person.
The first time sex! It is very normal for couples to start having sex later on in their relationship. There is nothing wrong with that. But for some reason many couples just don’t get started with having sex until they are married. Don’t be one of those couples!
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